Battle Of The Hot Buns !

Besides all the endless Blood letting , Tormented did offer us some fab views of Action Alex's, Dreamy Dimitri and last but not least Tom 'Beefcake' Hopper's Buns . So lets rate those Burning Buns with our new Hot Bun rating system and let the battle of the buns commence !

Dreamy Dimitri

Dream Dimitri's Buns popped out during a badly lit love scene , made all the more spooky as Dead Darren appeared and watched Dimitri at work , the sheer sight of Dimitri's buns pulsating away caused poor Darren to cry which is understandable as if he was still alive he could touch those cheeks of desire himself .

Did Dreamy D's Buns arouse feelings of unrequited love in Dead Darren ?

Cheeks of Desire

So how many 'Hot Buns' does Dreamy Dimitri get ? . We will start with awarding one 'Hot Bun' which takes into account the buns peach skin like appearance and good muscle tone . Lets add another 'Hot Bun' in that the said buns did arouse some unrequited feelings of love from 'Dead Darren' towards 'Dreamy D' , but this did cause 'Dead Darren' to cry , so we have to deduct the 'Hot Bun' for causing 'Dead Darren' even more emotional damage . But we will award 'D' a bonus 'Hot Bun' for allowing waif like Olly Alexander to put his arm around him during the films premiere .

Dreamy Dmitri's total Hot Bun score is 3

Tom 'T Bone' Hopper

While Beefcake Tom was enjoying a golden shower in the film , who should appear and gaze upon Toms buff physic underneath the cascading water Action Alex ? sadly not no its 'Dead Darren' who once more lingers for a while before using a towel to blisters Tom's astonishing buns . Not since the shower scene in 'Freddy's Revenge' has there been such blatant attempt at horror homoeroticism .Poor Tom only has time to grab his boxer shorts , but alas due to excessive towel whipping Tom's buns have doubled in size so his boxers hang preciously low . Tom races out of the school and onto the playing field , affording anyone who was around a good look at his wondrous buns . Sadly for Tom his 'Hot Bun' showcase is all to quickly over as 'Demonic Darren' yanks Tom by his boxers and onto the school fence .

'Action Alex is that you ?'

'Oh Crap ! Its Dead Darren !'

'You bitch Dead Darren ! your blistering my beefcake buns'

As Dead Darren asks Beefcake Tom , whose the Daddy ?.....

The scores are in ! Tom during this scene clearly suffered for his art , we award 2 'Hot Buns' for the beefcake bod on display .2 Hot Buns for having to suffer his buns being blistered by 'Dead Darren' and not Action Alex who surely would have been Tom's first choice if he were into any such kinky antics . We will also award a bonus 'Hot Bun' for posing with a picture of Action Alex in the shower and keeping Action Alex perfectly dry .

Tom's Total Hot Bun Score is 5 !

Action Alex

After winning last years 'Dreamboats Award for Tease of the Year' when Action Alex's voice was heard from behind the shower curtain , asking 'Whose There? ' to Evil Emma in the comedy classic 'Wild Child' . Would Action Alex finally show us his surely sensational 'Hot Buns' and unleash the Pettyfer Python ?. Once again Alex showed why he's called 'Action Alex' , while battling against poor lighting conditions , Alex whipped out his condom , we can only guess that the Pettyfer Python was in fact just too big to be shown on the films wide screen ratio and curse the budget restrictions that caused the Imax sequence planned for this scene to be dropped .

Meanwhile Alex's stunning buns , described by one blogger as 'paradise' pumped themselves into frame . Just as we hoped that the indoor car lighting might come on illuminating those heaven sent buns for prosperity. Dead Darren made his cruelest move yet and chopped off the Pettyer Python ! before you can say ' ' it was curtains for Action Alex .

Stand By ! The Pettyfer Python is about to unleashed !

Peachy

Hot Bun Heaven !

The Hot Buns are fresh out of the oven ! which means the scores are in for Action Alex . Once again like Dreamy D , Action Alex was up against it with bad lighting , also the planned Imax shoot for this scene was dropped so the pettyfer python could not be totally unleashed . Now onto the buns themselves , seldom have such curvaceous buns been witnessed on screen ( Well not since Tom Brown School Daze oh and Val kilmer's Bat Buns , but they were rubber so that doesn't count !)

It was as if they were touched by the hands of the great Michelangelo himself , we award a record 3 'Hot Buns'. Now we need to consider the climax of the scene in context , what other Dreamboat would let their most admired attribute , be so cruelly chopped off , before we could witness its screen debut . For demonstrating a fearless approach to his craft we award an additional 'Hot Bun'.

Action Alex's final score is 4 Hot Buns!

Which means that despite having buns that were touched by Michelangelo , Action Alex is 2nd with with Dreamy Dimitri 3rd , Our winner then with the hottest Buns in 'Tormented' is Tom 'T bone' Hopper !

'Hot Buns' - T Bone Tom is the Winner !